Other people disciplining your kids ...

I never had to deal with this before, but I'm in the full time mommy world now and I've seen it for the first time. What do you do when someone else disciplines your kids? For the most part, it's happened mostly with people I feel somewhat closer too. But I have also had it happen with people I barely know. Sometimes these people will have drastically different parenting styles than you, and sometimes the correction comes with obvious frustration and anger.

Now, let me be clear. I am not a parent that can lay claim to sainthood. I do get angry and frustrated with my children. However, we have rapport, a relationship, and the bonds of family that allow us to communicate despite less than saintly moments. I also work hard to talk with my kids, even at 2 and 3, about anger and apologize for behavior I wouldn't want them to emulate. That being said, I pray for saintly behavior daily from myself.

My issue is that when people do these things they can't draw from an emotional bank account from my kids the way I can. They don't know what could be causing the problem and they don't bother to find out. They don't allow me to use the discipline that I believe in and accept, and  they may scare my kids!

All that being said, this is infrequent, and only once did I need to talk about what happened with Celia. I think a cornerstone of the problem is that our style and approach to parenting has a different goal and end-sight in mind. My goal is not perfectly well-behaved children. I would love perfectly well-behaved children, but that is not the task I took on at their baptism. My job is to form little saints that will go to heaven. My job is to make sure my kids know God and will live their faith for the rest of their lives. I hope that this means they will be well-behaved children, but it also means that when they act out and misbehave now I don't come down with a hammer. I show them understanding, compassion, and unconditional love and then I teach them how to behave. Sometimes they do need corrective discipline, but I prefer to treat them as students and not miscreants. Usually, correction from other parents has come without communication.

I've heard it said that this is the difference between Protestant and Catholic parenting, and I honestly think that is much to broad a statement since you'll find those on both sides in either camp. Unfortunately, thus far though, the stereotype seems to be true. The people that I've seen this with are not Catholic families, which makes me wonder about how religious philosophy plays into parenting. Hopefully I'll learn how to handle this better in the future, but for now I think we'll distance ourselves from the parents that I've had this issue with.

Discovering Everyday Blessings

One big problem I'm having with this outage is how to keep kids occupied after dinner. It's never been a problem before - that is Daddy time. Everyday he comes home and hangs out with the kids. They do puzzles or he lays on the floor and they crawl all over him. It's simple really - just one more body in the room to engage their attention. I guess I knew it all along, but that body is VITAL!!! What a day we have when there is no Daddy Time! Did you know that 1.5 hours can become an eternity? It seems like the children just revolt and turn into wrecking balls destroying my house and trying to kill each other all while the baby cries because she's ready for bed early. I've tried TV - it worked one night, maybe two.

I suppose it's a blessing to realize how vital a presence is in your home and know that they will be back. Ben's worked so much that by the time his day off comes I genuinely miss him. It's been a long time since we've been apart enough for me to miss him, and I am reminded of the days when we lived in two different states. In some ways, it has rekindled romance - distance makes the heart grow fonder.

So far we're regressing in potty training, unfocused on school, and acting out in all manner of ways. On the upside we've met new people and are learning to appreciate each other. Hopefully we'll come out of this a better family.

Oh - our camera broke so no pics for a while.

Being a Homemaker in 2012

Someone recommended a book to me recently called Large Family Logistics. It has a lot of practical tips for running a household with homeschooling, multiple children, a stay-at-home mom, etc... Some of the philosophy Ben and I don't share, but I will say that there are some good points. One is that women, in particular, are not taught anymore how to run a household. We are raised to be a 2-income family and have careers. In fact, stay-at-home motherhood is no longer considered a respectable profession and we do not learn the techniques to manage it that used to be taught at our mother's apron.

Case in point, one thing I have learned is how to get a shower everyday. Not easy - at all. In fact, I have to get up at 5:00 am to do it. But if I wake up early I have time for a shower and coffee before the kids are up. That in and of itself means our morning is smoother and less grumpy. It also gives me the opportunity to make Ben a breakfast sandwich and make his lunch. These aren't expected chores, they are just nice things to do for your spouse. It's great that I have an opportunity to do that and makes his morning better too. I got the idea from the book. Why it didn't come to me on its own, I don't know. I guess I'm just too tired.

My point is that we don't learn how to juggle laundry, housework, and child-rearing. We're also doing it without the support of an extended family most of the time. We aren't built to be on our own as parents of young children, but we are now. So, we need community support, which is hard to come by because most families have two working parents or single parents. It's given me a lot to think about when it comes to raising my own children. I hope that I can figure out enough to teach my daughters (and sons if I have them) how to manage a home. I'm not blaming my upbringing because I think this is cultural. What used to be taught as a matter of course is simply missing. I can't sew, for example. I wish I could. Maybe I'll learning enough in the next few years to really change our lives!

Alright, let's try this again

Ok, after many months of, once again, not blogging, we'll try it. My goal is to keep this as our family diary. We'll see how it goes.

Right now if our life we are in the middle of outage. This is a special kind of hell where both parents are tired and the kids are very stressed out. This has meant a lot of dinner and a movie nights (since Daddy's never home anyway) and some behavior problems. Ben is gone 5:45 am until 7:30 pm Monday - Saturday. That means he makes it home just in time for bed and is so tired he can hardly see straight. I started a support group for the outage on Facebook, Families of Cooper Outage 2012, which had given us some things to do to fill up time without Daddy. So far, we're keeping busy. We are all ready to have Daddy home, though. Hopefully it ends before Thanksgiving! Eventually, we know it HAS to end - right?

I am reading a new parenting book that I really love, Parenting With Grace: A Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising Almost Perfect Kids by Dr. Gregory and Lisa Popcak. I've learned a lot and I haven't even made it to most of the "good stuff" and techniques. I'm really hoping to address behavior issues that have come up with Celia. I'll post to see how it goes.

During outage I have been doing disposable diapers, but the cost is SO HIGH that I may go back to cloth and darn the consequences. We are sharing laundry with 3 guys downstairs, so laundry time has been really hard. The renters are temporary during the outage, but 2 of them work nights. I'm sure they love trying to sleep during the day below us, but I can't do a lot about what my girls do. They are already stressed, I don't want them walking on eggshells!

Allie is finally napping. YEAH!!! As you can see, now I can do the blog again. YEAH!! And I can do dishes in the afternoon! YEAH!

Celia is potty training, which is getting closer. We now venture out of the house with undies on occasion. Mattie disparately wants to wear undies, but she also plays in the toilet if you don't watch her like a hawk. She also plays in the toilet when you are watching, I'm just better able to stop her. I've been holding her off because I just don't think she's mature enough, but we may just do it. I put her on the potty usually at least 3 times a day, but we may give her more time in undies. We'll see. Uggh, I hate potty training more than I hate diapers. I really don't mind diapers that much!

So, things to keep updated - potty training, outage, new parenting ideas, and, oh yeah, I'm job hunting. I'm looking for something to do from home, you know, during my spare time. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully I can find something workable soon.

In conclusion, let's hope blogging sticks this time!